Rich the F-You Garden Gnome

Dear readers, I like to introduce to you Rich the F-You garden gnome. Rich is a grumpy old garden gnome with an attitude. Rich also like money & investing, he likes gardens, he likes travelling and he is a big fan of JL Collins. What could possible go wrong?

Rich the F-You Garden Gnome

At the time this post is published, I’m sitting in a car (with Rich and ATL) to meet another fellow blogger. We, read me, Rich and ATL are going to drink beer to celebrate the (almost) completion of the new backyard of Geldnerd. Geldnerd does not know that Rich is coming along. Geldnerd (a.k.a Dr. Doom, a.k.a. “Opa” Geldnerd) does not like garden gnomes, so he and Rich will get along just fine! I hope…

Rich the F-You Garden Gnome with his pile of money
Rich the F-You Garden Gnome with his pile of money!

Interview with Rich

As mentioned in the introduction, Rich is old and grumpy. However, I still tried to have an sophisticated interview with this 75cm (2.5ft) tall bad@$$ of a garden gnome…


Hello Rich


Well hello to you too! Woke up on the wrong side of the bed?

No, my stock picking skills suck at the moment!

Oh my, what did you buy?

GE, they were supposed to have paid me increasing dividends indefinitely! Didn’t go so well…

But you are a fan of JH Collins and his (now famous) F-you money strategy. What gave?

I was trying to add to the dividend stock portion of portfolio on the way down. Should have stuck to index funds and ETF’s. Let’s move on

Okay, so what do you like most?

F-You money!

Who doesn’t?! But why exactly

I like to spend more time in various gardens. Nor do I like travelling in rush-hour. To many stupid gnomes with their wheelbarrows!

So you like to travel! What’s on your bucket list?

I would love to see more of the various Dutch gardens. But as a highlight I would like to Travel to Mr. &Mrs 1500. I hear they have a trailer trash park, I would fit right in! 

You certainly would. But for now, are you looking forward to seeing the newly landscaped frugal yard of Opa Geldnerd. He did all the work himself you know! Pretty impressive feat!

Hell yeah! He must have saved tones of F-you money.

He sure did! So you think you are going to feel right at home then at Geldnerd HQ?

I hope so. Although I hear Opa doesn’t like Garden Gnomes very much.

I think he might appreciate the visit, as long as you don’t over stay. That being said, I would watch our for his little dog, might use you to relief himself. Better get your pants up!

Rich the F-You Garden Gnome..... oh my!
Rich the F-You Garden Gnome….. oh my!

What do you think about Excel Spreadsheets?

I don’t do Excel, to complicated, we garden gnomes are of simple minds. But I like graphs of how far my mushroom house has been paid off!

If you had to make a choice, what would you prefer to get rid of: fat birds or small dogs?

Is that answer to that question defining if I’m going to stay or whether I’m going to be in pieces?

Pretty much! Let’s move on. What do you think about gadgets made by expensive fruit?

What, like Apple? Overrated!

My recommendation, don’t tell Geldnerd that! Ok, next question. What do you think of the AFM? I heard you’ve also sent some letters to the AFM (Authority Fungus Markets), on how they allow only Fungus with Dutch Essential Mushroom Information.

Yes I did! These morons don’t understand that chanterelles are just as safe. And even cheaper! F*ck them!

Some would say, you’re a grumpy old gnome. what do you say to them?

Old is extremely underrated, but what do I know? I’m not old!

I think Geldnerd would agree on this. He is young at heart too. Thank you for your time! Have fun in Geldnerd’s yard, but do be a nice garden gnome, okay?!

I’ll try…

Travels & Gardens

As noted in the interview, Rich likes to travel and see many gardens. If you wish for Rich to bring some fun, beer and a good conversation to your garden (and blog). Please contact Opa Geldnerd to arrange travel plans 😉




  1. OK so Rich is someone (some-gnome?) who I would not want to have a beer with! He seems to have a lot of the right ideas but he seems to be the kind of person (gnome?) that mostly wants F-You money so he can say F-You for the sheer fun of saying F-You!

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