The worst thing in the world

The worst thing in the world…. nope. Nope. Hahaha, funny, but nope. Also nope. Definitely not. No beer? I’m inclined to say yes, but considering 2019, I have not say nope again. What else? Nope, nope and nope (but close!). The worst thing in the world? Kids birthday parties with (school) friends!

Hell on earth

Ahhh, the yearly returning hell on earth (if you have kids). The birthday parties for (school) friends. The pinnacle of torture for any parent. We are those dumb people that try to organise something at home where the kids have time to really get together, have fun and all doing so in a fairly frugal fashion. At least, that’s the general idea. This year it backfired, big time.

The worst thing in the world – hell on earth

Games

Mrs CF has her creative moments, and likes to make/create games for people to play. She is usually pretty good at it. Last year, during Miss CF’s birthday party they were a great success. This year…. not so much (which had little to do with the games themselves). We only had complaining, kids not wanting to participate and being obnoxious. There were tears, there was crying…. needles to say we cut it short and went for food. What could possible go wrong?

The worst thing in the world – playing games

Food

I know some kids can be picky (ours has her moments too!). Some eat everything. But some are plain silly. We had one boy that didn’t eat anything, ANYTHING! The buns didn’t taste like the ones at home, the sprinkles for on bread were not good enough (despite having 4 different flavours!) and the vegetarian sausages didn’t have meat (go figure). We had various types of fruit and vegetables on the table too. But nothing was to he liking, so he only drank lemonade. You know what, screw you, you spoiled little brat.

The worst thing in the world – next time it will be only sugar…

Presents

Oh presents. I know it’s hard to find something non plastic these days that kids like. We would normally try to give kids experiences, but with Miss CF having many friends, this is not doable (not even considering the limitations by a certain virus). We therefore try to resort to the least environmentally impacting gift on the their wish-list.

Since Miss CF didn’t have a wish-list (she already has everything she needs/most of what she wants), we didn’t know what she would get. Fortunately, there was little plastic, lot’s of crafts stuff and some books. But there was also lots of glitter…

Dear parents, you only give other glitter as a gift if you loath the other parents. It’s the cherry on the pie for the worst thing in the world. You find that shit everywhere for the next f-ing century! That includes body cavities and food storage containers. Stop doing that!

The worst thing in the world – f-ing Glitter

Conclusion

To recap:

  • Kids birthday parties are the pinnacle of masochism. Having one is really the worst thing in the world.
  • Fuck being frugal, next time we are going somewhere (think a Monkey town or similar place) the kids can entertain themselves and I can drink away my sorrows.
  • Teach your kids to eat what’s being offered at someone else’s home. Anything! They don’t have to eat everything that’s being offered, but at least something on the menu. How the fuck can you have a kid that cannot find anything to eat? Nothing? How?
  • You only give (something with) glitter if you hate humanity and what to instigate psychological warfare on other parents. You may burn in hell if you give this stuff as a gift, thank you.
  • Kids are spoiled selfish brats, period. They say children are the future. But after this birthday party I can say we are all royally fucked.

Have yourself a great day. End rant.

10 Comments

  1. Genuinely hilarious. I was literally just last night feeling pretty good about life which started me wondering about what might be due to come and demand on my time that would undermine that satisfaction. And what do you think I thought about?? Yes, kids birthday parties!

    Imagine my glee when I stumble onto your latest blog post.

    Seriously, it’s hilarious. I still have bloody heart-shaped glitter that I happen upon around the place from friends’ kids visiting what feels like last Christmas!

    To give a balanced perspective though, my son had a play date the other weekend and the visiting kid was an unexpected delight of a boy, and my son didn’t call out to me the entire time they were together. I even stole away for a run without anyone noticing!

    Contrast that with this Sunday morning where ever 2 minutes I have to help him with the iPad to hunt down and buy the exact right kind of Nederland Spaar mini train! Window shopping 2020. It’s a thing!

    Hang in there. We’ll look back on these times with great endearment… won’t we? πŸ˜€

  2. Sometimes I’m really happy I don’t have kids. Today is one of those days let this be a warning for all would be parents!

  3. Nou nog maar gefeliciteerd he, zullen we maar zeggen :-).

    De mannen zijn nu al jongvolwassenen maar de meeste verjaarspartijtjes staan me nog wel bij. Gezegend met alleen zoons (jongensfeestjes dus geen glitter !) heeft ook zo zijn keerzijdes. Maar het grootste succes was dat ze een kasteel mochten maken van cake (door mij in baksteentjes gesneden) en chocopasta (de goedkoopste die ik kon vinden) als cement. En dan versieren met snoep en zelf opeten. Een grote plank met alufolie en gaan met de banaan. De mannen vonden het fantastisch EN er is niet gekotst. Een wonder.

    Moet wel zeggen dat ik het niet betreur dat de leeftijd voor kinderpartijtjes voorbij is.

    1. Hahaha, niet gekotst… geniaal. Wel leuk idee, gaan we misschien nog wat mee doen. Ben zelf ook gek op kastelen πŸ˜‰
      Oh, en bedankt voor de felicitaties!

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